AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
