I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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