I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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