I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
two words: eviction party
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
