I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
