so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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