If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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