Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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