did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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