the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
