It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
