Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
