Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
