I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
