I'm eating all of the evidence.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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