There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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