They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
