I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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