She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
