I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
