I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
