i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
