I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
