The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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