I feel like abortions should bother me more
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
