Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
