so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
