My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
