Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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