these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
