Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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