fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
