DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
