grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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