nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
