I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
