There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
