when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
