dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
