was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
