I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
