i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
