DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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