I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
