he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
