i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We don't watch enough power rangers
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
