you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
