Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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