Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
