you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
