Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
