I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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