We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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