In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You can't just leave with hair like that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
