Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
