wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
