she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
